Interesting
by johaanisaguy
Summary: "Do you think you're better than the rest of us, Alex?" Birkhoff snapped.  "Yes." Her answer slipped out before she had time to clamp her teeth around it.


_Author's Notes: lol, I'm writing Balex fic again. I've had like no ideas for my other fic and when I started writing it this sort of happened instead. It is AU because I'm fairly sure that no scene like this exists and it also does not fit in Nikita-canon. Also I'm a bit worried about my characterization of Alex but I've grown tired of looking at this fic. But anyway I think that is it. So enjoy!_

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><p>"What have I done?" Nathan spluttered. Alex was in her apartment, relying heavily on her kitchen counter to help stay upright. She could see her belongings, scattered and destroyed, from this angle, evidence of her recent fight. Nathan still had the gun locked in his outstretched hand, and he too was letting the wall support his weight. Alex thought he looked tragic, standing there shaking. A memory flashed in the back of her mind, Thom's face. Perhaps not the appropriate response to her current situation. Some part of her brain had registered the fact that Jaden was bleeding out onto her floor but she made no move to help. A different part of Alex knew that Jaden was more help to her dead, and that logic seemed to be controlling her. If Alex had been thinking straight she might have been terrified. Perhaps she would have remembered that image of her future self she had imprinted into her dreams but any form of rational thought had fled as soon as the gun shot rang through her ears. "I've killed her."<p>

"Nathan-" There would be no easy way to explain. And for Nathan, no easy way to accept what had just happened.

"No! What have I done? What have you made me do?"

Nathan's cries gave way to the steady drone of Amanda's words. Words that formed accusations but Alex, with her head down, couldn't find the strength to answer them. She knew where she was by the echos of her charges, by the jarring clicks of Amanda's heels. Had she chosen to open her eyes, she'd have been greeted by the bright, white light of Amanda's office. But with them closed she could picture it just the same. A place where Amanda, herself so dark and twisted, seemed to make a constant effort to preserve the image of sanity. But failed. Overshooting the normal mark and barreling straight into crazy. Amanda never changed. Her voice was flat and her expression tired. To an unknowing eye she looked bored, maybe even peaceful. To Alex, Amanda's anger was impossible to miss.

"I don't like my time being wasted, Alex," she hissed but Alex failed to raise her head yet again. Instead she drummed her fingers along her chair's arm, the same one her hands were locked to. She had noticed the constraints around her wrists and the wiring attached to her head but she hadn't given it much thought. She had been in this position before, hooked up to some machine that was meant to read her lies. Amanda seethed under her calm exterior but seemed to have grown tired of her own voice. She stalked towards the door, stopping only to make eye contact with Birkhoff, who Alex hadn't noticed. "Thank you, Birkhoff but I believe you're done here."

Birkhoff stared for a moment after Amanda before directing his gaze to her. Although Alex was sure he heard the order in Amanda's pleasantries (_Get your shit and get out_), he had yet to make a move towards the door. She could feel his gaze on her, hear him shift. It seemed like he was deliberating on something. She didn't raise her head to see what. The silence that had enveloped the two was eerie but not worth her attention.

"You shouldn't bait her," Birkhoff's voice was quite but clear in the stillness of the room. The room that was too bright, too clean, too put together. As if the Ritz had rented out a place purely for the torture of it's clients. "You'll get burned." He waited a few seconds before adding, "And I'm talking figuratively and literally. I wouldn't put it past Amanda to set a victim alight." It was some sort of joke but Alex didn't laugh. She kept her head down and ignored him. Birkhoff, although different, was Division, and she had promised herself recently that nothing from their clutches would ever elicit a response from her again. And that meant Birkhoff could be as snarky as he liked. And besides, he had implied that she was a victim which she wasn't.

Her silence hung heavy in the air, and Birkhoff sighed before turning back to coiling wires. His eye roll was almost audible. But with his back to her, Alex raised her head for the first time to watch. Birkhoff didn't look concerned, as his previous statement could have led her to believe, but he certainly didn't look at ease with his situation. He put up a tough front, but she'd bet that Amanda terrified him as much as the next guy. He worked efficiently and almost silently but every so often metal would hit plastic but Alex just attributed that to the fact that he worked in Control. He should have no need to stay completely silent nor a desire to. He moved to behind a computer, and ended up facing her again but Birkhoff's attention hadn't strayed so far. She watched as his hands drifted over the keyboard. Some part of her wondered what was flashing across the screen. The rest of her screamed lock that down just moments to late.

"What are you doing?" Her voice sounded louder then expected. Birkhoff ignored her, his attention focused solely on the computer in front of him. Alex scoffed, "What? Are you the only one allowed to speak in this situation?" Birkhoff lifted an eyebrow before he lifted his head to meet her stare.

"It'd be for the best. Seeing as I'm the more entertaining out of the pair of us." Alex barked a laughed. It wasn't an attractive sound but it kept his attention.

"I'm sure as I'm likely to die soon." There was a harshness to her words that changed his demeanor. Alex would've liked to believe that he seemed shocked, but that wasn't it. It was more a look of pity and not for her impending demise.

"You truly believe you're special," Birkhoff mutter. He dropped her gaze quickly and turned back to the computer, almost as if he was worried of her reaction. But Alex was grateful because she couldn't stop her shock from effecting her features. She had every right to believe she was special. No, she knew she was special. She was Alexandra Udinov, hand picked by Nikita to destroy Division, she'd fooled Percy and hell, she was even Michael's favorite. Granted she wasn't able to flaunt any of that in Birkhoff's face. she bit her lip. "Do you think you're better than the rest of us, Alex?"

"Yes." Her answer slipped out before she had time to clamp her teeth around it. Birkhoff sighed and she was suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to defend herself. "I'm not like the rest of you," she spat. "I don't want to be here. I don't want to be a pawn for this game." _I don't want to be so close to what I could become._

"You don't hear yourself speak do you?" There was no humor in his tone. His face had twisted up into a mocking sneer. "No recruit choose this, and most of them would give anything to go back to what there life was. They are just as stuck as you." Birkhoff moved towards Alex, following one of the wires attached to her head. "Perhaps even more so."

"Do you speak from experience then?" Alex hadn't realize just how close he had gotten until he leaned over to pluck the wire from her forehead.

"That doesn't matter." He was defensive and Alex brought her face closer to his. Just a few more inches and she could have captured his lips her own. The thought made her hesitate, she was breaking too many of her rules.

"Yes it does." Alex hissed and she watched alarm flash in his eyes. Birkhoff ripped the wire away harshly and strode back to his equipment. She had never seen a wire coiled so quickly, and it was placed in it's home in a matter of moments. The lid snapped closed with a click. Birkhoff, equipment in hand, made a speedy retreat towards to door only to have it swing wide open. Amanda's silhouette stood firm in his way. Alex watched as Birkhoff visibly stiffened. Amanda stared him down for what seemed to be forever before she dropped her gaze for a second. In that instant, Birkhoff all but fled from the room. Amanda turned her gaze on Alex.

"Interesting," she spoke as if already Alex had bored her, yet the smirk on her face indicated otherwise. The sudden fear that crept up inside of Alex was not for herself. Amanda made a motion with her hand, and in seconds a man, dressed in a tidy, black suit, was in the door. "Keep an eye on Birkhoff will you, Max? I have a feeling we will be needing his presence in the near future."


End file.
